We Wanna See A Cat Drinkin' A Soda

Normally when the calendar changes over to June our favorite summer bands are dominatin' our iTunes playcount, givin' us the sunshine soundtrack to them beauty days. But since we've had a total of three fuckin' nice days so far this season, we've noticed our music choices say less "lemonade and sunburns" and more "we want to punch you in the fuckin' face but we have to put on a goddamn jacket first 'cause it's still fucking cold."

If you're still not smellin' what we be steppin' in, just watch this video from Swedish Neo-Thrash kings The Haunted:




Yep. That about sums it up. So in honor of our unbridled Heavy Duty rage, why don't cha make The Haunted the Band Fo Yo Weekend!

Teeths Don't Fail Us Now

We're not too fond of SunnO)))'s poop-loosening bass drones, but we just needed to queue 'em up this afternoon. See, the Duty was incisor deep in an ouchtastic two day cavity-filling bender and when our trying-to-be-helpful dental hygenist offered us the use of her Discman and John Hiatt record we knew we'd better reach for the iPod instead. But now we'd only solved one problem and walked right into another 'cause what kind of thing do ya want to hear when you're gettin' drilled in the choppers anyway? One of our trusty Priest standbys? Soothing downtempo beats? Sxxy Backs? We got pretty tired of scrolling and decided, fuck it, this calls for something heavy enough to be distractin', but boring enough to not upset us when we miss that bitchin' solo 'cause we were spitting up blood and tooth enamel. And there it was...right before The Sword and right after Suicidal Tendencies (a more appropriate choice perhaps?)....SunnO))).

At three p.m. band members Greg Anderson and Big Steve O'Malley came through for the Duty in a way they never ever ever ever ever ever will again. Today the sound of our mouths being torn asunder was augmented by the equally painful sounds of two hairy guys letting their amps feedback for fifteen minutes at a time. We think the drill made the record sound even better.

Our mouths never want to hear that last sentence again.

Uh, Chickenfoot? Really?

So when we read that Van Haggar was hookin' up with Will Ferrell's stunt double and the immortal Satch to form a bizarro supergroup, the Heavy Duty approved. It will be interesting to hear Joey S. and all his face metlin' mixed in a real band situation, and we already know Mr. 55 can handle being in a band with a decent guitarist. But the real reason we're fuckin' hard as a rock excited about this project is pretty simple:

On the bass guitar: Michael Fucking Anthony.

King of the sweet high harmonies, crafter of the greatest bass solo in live album history, and the star of the video that started our YouTube obsession. It's great to see the Jack Daniels Bass Beast back in action after he was replaced by that fat girl in Van Halen. We shall pour ourselves a Jack and Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper in honor of the return of Mikey to pop culture semi-relevance. While you wait for the next Michael Anthony Experience, soak up this:

Ten Bucks Is Ten Bucks

In honor of the Heavy Duty enjoy some Stanley Cup Finals action for the first time in forever, we thought we'd post the most Canadian clip of all time. If you only know these hosers from the flick Strange Brew, do yourselves a favor and check out their record Great White North. It's a beauty way to go.

Once again, thanks Dad.

Cheaps Eats And The Duty

It's common knowledge that most metal fans that would consider themselves Heavy Duty don't have time with all the rockin' to take care of trivial things like cook and clean. Hey, that Wikipedia page on viking metal isn't gonna read itself, no? The dishes can fuckin' wait.

So your crack Duty staff always keeps our noses to the wind for some cheap eats for our faithful, so we tried this knew chicken sando from The Golden Arches of Heart Failure. And it was fuckin' fantastic. Only one small issue: It tastes exactly the same as the chicken sandwiches we get from AM/PM! WTF! And then someone informs us that McD's is trying to rip of Chick-Fil-A with this new offering! My god! That's a clucker-fuck of fast food confusion!

To be fair, since we don't have a Chick-Fil-A anywhere near our headquarters, we can't give an accurate recommendation on which grease bomb to fill your metal lovin' bellies with. Go out there and try them for yerselves if you dare. Just remember to wash down that bird with and ice cold Diet Mountain Dew, the Heavy Duty non-alcoholic drink of choice.

Weezah Is In Yur Internets

Wait, Weezer is embracing uber-nerd culture internet memes? Holy shit, we didn't see that one coming. Oh yeah, we did.

We've been kinda Weezer fans since we saw "Undone (The Sweater Song)" video on 120 Minutes back in 1994 after we probably had just got done watching Back In Action and killin' a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. And our take on the band hasn't changed since: The Blue Album is always waaaay heavier than we remember and the band sure has their shtick down pat.

In honor of us spending way too much time on the 'Tube and gettin' almost all the references from this spoof, let's make Weezer the Band Fo Yo Weekend! Dust of that copy of Pinkerton, clean out that hash pipe, and let's all go to the bar and hit on half-Japanese girls.

It Was Orange And Quite Tasty

Any time anything new Spinal Tap pops up, we get a tad excited about exploring the mythos of our favorite Mock 'n Roll band once again. This time around, The National Geographic Channel is exploring the mystery of Stonehenge. And who better to delve into the secrets behind the world's oldest amplifier/dinosaur drool cup than Nigel himself.

There has been a quite a few Tap related stuff that has come out since the film was released back in 1984, but these clips are by far the funniest of the bunch. Here is part one of the interview. You can see all of them right here.

NWOKYHM

Just when we thought we were out of Heritage Metal bands, we come across Dead Child, the band early reports are calling the Midwest Early Man! They got "Into the Void" tone and underwater Ozzy vox. We got a fridge full of corndogs and medium boys. So it looks like our next few nights are fucking set. And, shoot, if you get that headline yours should be too!

Panterial Girl

Not exactly sure what the context of this clip is, and we're to lazy to do any real research into it. All we know is that anyone who throws in Pantera riffs during their concerts is bad-fuckin'-ass. If you're to busy to watch the whole clip, the Dimebag tribute starts at the 6:19 mark.

We've always been big fans of them early Material Girl cuts, in particular the awesomeness that is "Burnin' Up." What can we say, we're suckas for any song that's about venereal disease.

The NIP Slip

Some one needs to tell Trent to lay off the black coffee, all this crazy album releasin' he's been doing is getting out of hand. First we get last year's Bush sucks concept record Year Zero, which for most NIN diehards would be enough to digest for a long time. But then this year we get the instrumental opus Ghosts I-IV, and another studio album, The Slip. And that's where things get interesting. Not only does the new record shake our industrial disco asses, but it was fuckin' free! Cheap!

We've been hit or miss NIN fans since forever, we kinda didn't get The Downward Spiral when it dropped but we have always been hardcore The Fragile peeps, with that record holding a firm place in our top twenty.

We can say this new record has that right mix of all things we love about NIN, with the real and the fake drums balanced just right with moody basslines and just enough heavy guitar to satisfy. And at a brisk 44 minutes, can easily be listen to in its entirety while taking a dump.

We think that Reznor character is about as savvy as they come, and this latest move makes us like him even more. Just because of his generosity, we're going to go out and spend some serious cash money on all them NIN records we don't have. That would be the Heavy Duty thing to do.

Back in Crack!

In honor of our two year anniversary we think there's no better Band For Yo' Weekend than the mighty Black Sabbath. Since Iommi and co. are such a lame choice for us Deep Band types we amend our decision by clarifyin' that when we say, "Turn the next few into Black Sab-urdays" we mean "Blast some of that post-"Paranoid" shit!" Those close to the fold know that among the most tired of Duty bits is: "Sabbath sucks! It's all homeless man's Zeppelin and 'Changes!'" But it's a summer afternoon and we're a little buzzed and we think "Hole in the Sky" is pretty sweet.

So tonight, The Duty suggests you all venture downtown and pick yourselves up a copy of "Sabbath Bloody Sabbath," "Sabotage," or -- shit, why the hell not -- "Never Say Die" 'cause that title track's kinda ripping in itself with those struttin' chords and neat whoosh sound. These records sure ain't great, but the half that's good ain't half bad! Here's some "Rock and Roll Doctor" complete with Evil Bill Ward drum solo!

Heavy Duty Bukkake

Here we are, two years later, and all we really care about is postin' bitchin' Judas Priest YouToogle videos.



Some things never change, like our undies. Fuck yeah.

Doublin' Up on Dad Haunts

Whenever we get Fair Warning on the shuffle or we're just chilling at the bus stop, we think about them Duty-fied bands we don't play enough. So here for your (errr...our) Thursday afternoon is the sweetest twofer on the 'net: '83 Van Halen doin' '73 ZZ Top! This one's going out ta Pops...wherever ya are!