We Are All Nostradamus

So we picked up our copies of Nostradamus yesterday, and we've been burning the midnight oil tryin' to figure out how how to write up a review for the mighty Priest's newest looong player. And holy shit, this thing is long with a capital L. We're talkin' two dumps long. You think you could grab us a magazine or something? Jeepers.


Ya see, we knew goin' in this one was gonna suck as soon as we heard "concept record" and "about some crackpot dude in a funny hat." 'Specially when it's all brought to you by the band that gave the world "Hot Rockin'" and "Eat Me Alive"? Not exactly a recipe for a slam dunk classic, eh? But we loves us some Priest and though we had some not so great expectations, we gave it a fair chance and we gotta say Nostradamus is nothing but a solid gold Judas classic.

We knew Priest can't give us another record like British Steel or Stained Class, but that don't mean they can't try something completely fuckin' over the top and insane, right? That way they can't lose! And with this one they up the ante with two hours of overblown heavy metal opera that's as ludicrous as it is legendary. In fact, we says its so much classic-er than any forty-minute recapturification of Ram It Down woulda EVER been!

So instead of givin' the record an arbitrary number or star score, and instead of being all unfair and rating this one track by track ('cause ya can't do that to high-art) let's have some fun here and kick your way a simple pro's and con's album review.



The Good

Is Judas Priest!

Tracks "Persecution" and "Prophecy," and "Future Of Mankind" are vintage Priest heavy metal. Ooooh-wee are they some heavy metal.

Tipton and Downing have rippin' weedily solos all over the darn place, this time with gooder tone! We can't believe it neither!

Ian Hill's bass tone more prominent than, ah....well, it's there.

The title track is incredible. An instant Priest classic.

The Bad

Too much Gilbert and Sullivan not-metal.

We were ready to learn 'bout the life of one Sir Nostra-D. We didn't, and we actually think we learned more about Edgar Cayce during this one.

Doesn't have "Devil's Child."

No band photos in the booklet. WTF?!?!?

So what does it all mean, eh? Well if you like the idea of Painkiller meets The Pirates Of Penzance then Nostradamus is a must buy. If that sounds like the worst fuckin' thing ever, at least give props for the Priest tryin' something so different so late in the game.

The biggest compliment we can give any artist is that the work they produce is sincere, whether you think it sucks or not. When Dio flashes the swoop horns, Tiny Evil is the truth. When Abbath brandishes his frosty axe, he is black metal. And when Halford wails "I am Nostradamus, your life is at stake," that fact that he means it so much cuts through all the ridiculousness. And that our friends, is Heavy Duty.