We're Taking Over This Breakfast

You Call It KoRn

Does anyone like the KoRn anymore? Eh, we admit we were huge fans during the "Follow The Leader/Issues" era, but at the time we also enjoyed wearing beer-soaked wife-beaters and dirty Burger King work pants every day while choking down AM/PM chicken sandos for dinner with about 15-22 MGD's to wash it down. Man, do we miss those days.

So we got kinda bored of the KoRn thing, although we saw them at the Tacoma Dome about a year ago and it was pretty cool. Gave us a Zeppelin in '77 vibe, a band who isn't on top anymore but still brings the heat on the old classics. So we'll always give the new shit a chance. And it has some promise 'cause you get sweet skin poundin' from legend Terry Bozzio! Dude played with Zappa! Check out the first released cut "I Will Protect You" which features some sweet drummy action mixed in with the typical KoRn shtick.

The Best Shave Money Can Buy

Well if that wasn't the weirdest thing we've seen in a while, we'll rip out all our taint hairs one by one. Anyway, what a great fuckin' tune, eh? That's some serious "Songs For The Deaf" style shit. QOTSA comin' ta getcha!

Meta Duty In Your Ass

Okay Duty faithful, we've got some exciting news! Are you sittin' down? Sit down, muthafucka! Alright.

The Tap is fuckin' back! England's loudest band and this blog's emotional and spiritual guiding light has reunited (again!) But instead of rockin' for sex farms and big bottoms, the lads are all about global warmin' and stuff!

So what do us Tap-aholics get out of this! Plenty! Besides the reunion show at Live Earth in London on July 7th, we also get the new eco-friendly tune "Warmer Than Hell" and a new 15 minute documentary that'll premiere at the Tribeca Film Festival. Here's a taste from director Marty DiBergi:

The director said the new short film explains what the band has been doing with their lives lately. Nigel has been raising miniature horses to race, but can't find jockeys small enough to ride them; David is now a hip-hop producer who also runs a colonic clinic; and Derek is in rehab for addiction to the Internet.

We are officially fucking excited. This is already better than the last time around, when all we got was that lame track "Back From The Dead" and an anniversary DVD release. Which we did not buy. VHS rules!!

Pretty Soon We'll Be Wearin' Corpse Paint

Once again those hipster skatepunk fashionistas at Vice Magazine read our fucking minds. First they hype up our much-beloved NYC struttin' sleazsters Cheesy B and now they dedicate the entire week to Black Metal! Sure, we thought our "Immortal is badass" post was pretty great, but to have these guys take notice? What an honor.


Head over to VBS.tv and watch all five parts of "True Norwegian Black Metal" where you're sure to learn all about Black Metal's church-burnin' past, Norway's frigid wilderness, and the stone cold craziness of Gorgoroth's goateed singin' man Gaahl. He was locked up, you know. For torturing a guy! Wow. If Varg's the hit single, he's the deep album cut, that's for sure. Really, this streaming web exclusive video thingy is top-notch and that's coming from guys who thought the Vice DVD was total horseshit.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5: to be posted tomorrow! [UPDATE: today!]

Dinosaur Genius

Is J Mascis great or what? Such character, such style, and such fucking panache. Go ahead, name someone else that can pull off that Larry King turns powerwalker haute couture. Find us another cat that can rock a Discharge shirt on Thursday and an White Fang tee on Friday. Another guy who monosyllabically deadpanned his way through press junkets for his entire career. We've loved these tunes since we were wee lads, but we've only just realized that Joe Mascis is the true Unheralded Comedic Genius of Rock and Roll. Keep it coming, brother, it's all cool with us.

Are You Ready For Some Darkness?

We know how you guys clamor for posts, so we feel kinda bad for slacking so much these past few days. But know that it ain't just our usual tricks keeping us busy. No, sir. See, the fact of the matter is that this here paucity of posts owes darn near everything to the fact that we can't stop listening to some of the really great black death metal records that we just picked up. Hey, we're as surprised as you! "The Duty threw down for Earache and Nuclear Blast? Aren't you the guys that won't shut up about Montrose? Montrose?!?!?!"

Sure. But as badass as Montrose and the Haggie-P are, we've also decided that this "badass" term also applies to Nile, Immortal, and Napalm Death. We're digging these records so much more than we ever imagined we could. "How much?" you ask. Why, this much:


Nile -- Annihilation of the Wicked We're gonna steal a line from our bros over at San Fran's aQuarius record shop and say that Nile's six-minute tunes about pharaohs, mummies, and rivers that flow uphill make you "feel like you've been through a desert sandstorm." And how true it is. These songs may start out like straight-up death metal with their ubiquitous blast beats, unintelligible ursine grunts, and riffs so fast they play 'em eight times before you realize they just started another part of the song, but pretty soon you'll realize everything's so well structured that it's making you smarter and more cosmopolitan with each passing minute. Nile's extreme sound never stops bludgeoning your cilia, but their British Museum tour-guide lyrics 'bout centuries of slavery, torture, and half-man half-goofy animal gods will have you acing your Egyptology seminar's midterm exam. We're going all-out and declaring that not only is this record as epic as anything we'll ever own but its impossibly downtuned smiley-EQ'd guitars, brisk roto-toms, and swirling pukey solos will scare your neighbors no matter where you live. Easily worth the Terrorizer hype. And a new disc this summer!



Immortal -- Sons of Northern Darkness We're glad our first foray into black metal was with these guys who seem to be the Duty-est of black metallers. Just look at how ridiculous they are. The facepaint! The Woolworth's pickaxe props and homemade bondage gear! The songs about permafrost, demon spirits, and O's with the lines drawn through 'em! We suspect these Immortal cats are only your kind of black metal band if you're too cool for Dimmu Borgir but not quite cool enough to travel to the Emperor reunion. But there's no reason to turn this into pissing contest when that double-bass is so rad and those thrash metal riffs are so kick-ass. Most of all you have to dig singer Abbath's supremely evil delivery, one that's equal parts sprier Star Wars emperor and less-conniving bridge troll. The way he gutturally moans his way through that part of "In the Kingdom of Cold" that sounds like "in these mountains which I heart" is so much cooler than you'd expect from a line that stupid. And this record's full of it! Words can't even hope to describe the abject humorlessness, heavy metal thunder, and evil purity of the Northern Darkness. Immortal really means it when they write a whole song about the Antarctic ice shelf. They might just kill you if you don't agree. Or at least shriek and shake their studded armbands your way before they obscure the stage with dry ice fog. All hail Immortal, our second favorite band from the Land of the Midnight Sun!



Napalm Death -- Enemy of the Music Business This one gets special mention 'cause it was Napalm's brand new single that put the extreme metal bee in our bonnet in the first place. We think liking the Nappy D's is cool since they're a bunch of pudgy middle-agers who've been putting out albums sure to alienate each and every one of your co-workers for over twenty years. Two decades of shit like this? Amazing. We dig how everything we've heard from Napalm Death is seriously fucking brutal and mean: tracks packed with blue-streak guitar riffs, drum fills, and some guy red-facingly growling at you about social politics and John Peel. This record is no exception: the kind of stuff that makes us redline the Duty roadster and start placing orders from Disinfo and Feral House.

Hey, that's a great idea. We're off to pick up a Choosing Death / Lords of Chaos twofer! Stay tuned.

Break Out the Peeps!

It may be Easter Sunday, but that doesn't mean you hafta leave the horns at home. Besides, what goes better with Grandma's home-cookin' than some badass Grecian black metal?

Be Nice To estevez!

Irony Is A Dead Scene

Dear Dynamite Hack,

This is all your fault. Thanks for nuthin'.

Yours truly,

The Heavy Duty

How Many Times Do We Hafta Tell Ya?

Okay, we just picked up 1976's Johnny the Fox so you know what that means. It's time for yet another "Thin Lizzy is FUCKING AWESOME so run the fuck out and buy their records, you douchebag weenies!!!!" post.


Really, stop being an asshole. We'll forgive you just as long as it takes you to lace up your Converse and grab your car keys. After that, you're dead to us.

In the meantime enjoy this tv version of "Don't Believe a Word." Sure, it starts off all corny and Robert Cray, but hold on til that last minute and a half when them double guitars really start to shred and Brian Downey starts slammin' them skins like there's no tomorrow. Genius!

The Sun Is Shining, The Birds Are Chirping, And Karen Carpenter Is Still Dead

This post is an excuse to use that headline, which we think is fuckin' awesome.

Move along.