Gimmie Some Mo': Kill Allen Wrench!

We've kept quiet on our love for the punk rawk sleaze of Riverside's Kill Allen Wrench, mostly 'cause we didn't want y'all to think we were all that hellbent on rapin' the horses and ridin' off on the women, but dammit, we can't stay silent no more! 'Cause if there's one thing we want in this world it's more two-minute songs about hard drugs, loose women, and cold suds. We know it sounds like a lot to ask for more burly dudes in devil horns rasping about porno stars and drunk driving, and we know that clamoring for more Heathen Scum guitar solos sounds a little desperate, but we don't care.

Kill Allen Wrench, it's just been too darn long. Two albums in nine years? One show in three? We know you're busy with the boating, Hamburglarin', and Judo tourneys. We know we sound like total assholes as we beg for more what with bassist Mark Hernandez resting in peace, but when we get a powerful hankering to ogle stretch-marked barflys, suck down cans of Pabst, and pee in the venue's parking lot, the only soundtrack we want to hear is from the one and only Full Metal Messiah hisself. Yes, Allen, we love that you're bad enough to kill Kurt Cobain and hang with Jewel De'Nyle, but what we really love are them Satan-worshipping tracks about whores, Hokes, and hangovers, so, please, give us some more.