Salacious Crumbs: "The Midnight NAMBLA"!

[Heavy Duty's celebrating National Mentoring Month by giving you post after post about our most favoritest sleazebag rockers! Next up: TurboNegro's "The Midnight NAMBLA"!]


Here at Heavy Duty we feel a bit bad throwin' these Norwegian Denim Demons into the Salacious Crumbs pile. Sure, they're sodomnastical and gomorrahficatious. They're greasy, trashy, and shirtless. They have the tunes with "anus," "erection," and "dungaree" in the title, but above all else they've got the shtick and when you've got the shtick that just don't quit then you know we'll stick with ya right til the bitter end.

Well, almost.

See, there's this track right at the start of TurboNegro's jaw-droppingly steamin' and screamin' Ass Cobra record that just ain't right. Maybe you've heard of it, it's a little tune we like to call "The Midnight NAMBLA."

"Good Lord, Midnight what? Are you serious?"

As a heart attack, bro. Shoot, we're scared to even drop a descriptive link on that acronym-- so if you don't already know then, whoo baby, rest assured that you don't wanna. Let's just say that as soon as this tune gets a-rockin' and rollin' we start a-fist-pumpin' and a-struttin' and then....hey, what's that we hear? Is that a sobbing child in the background? Did that love-handles guy with the bad King Diamond makeup really say "two inch gambler"? "Baby snake" who? Hold on, "I look just like your father, but I am the Midnight NAMBLA"????

Yeeeesh, that is some f-ed up stuff right there. Somehow the 'Negros managed to gross us the hell out just as much as this guy, but whereas he had the decency to warn us with the poop and the scabs they sucked us in with a hundred seconds of power chords and a danceable beat. How'd they know we liked that stuff so much? And then when they hit us with the absolutely unacceptably (ped-) offensive lyrics, how didn't they know them couplets on such dastardly deeds would make us sick to our stomachs? The duality of it all, we'll admit she is impressive, but her wickedness is unparalleled in this sad and beautiful world.

So, TurboNegro, we're sorry we had to do it, but we gotta put you duders right up there with Pope Scum and the Duce Tabernacle in Duty's Sleazebag Hall of Shame. Maybe if you keep the riffs comin' we'll consider parole. You're almost there!